The List
Since it is the New Year almost February middle of March 15th of April end of May start of June 2014, I feel obligated to finish my “Best of 2013” list. After all, the year will be half over soon (today is the 159th day and it is only 43.56% over). You can’t do a “Best of List” of the preceding year when you are into February March April May June July of the current year. That would be way too late. Too late for polite company. It would be like wearing white shoes after Labor Day; or is it wearing white pants, no shoes, er, anything white including shoes? Who wears white shoes? Basketball players and ballerinas. Oh! Or is it white before Memorial Day? I don’t have any white shoes . . . or ballet slippers . . and it is almost Ground Hog Day Saint Patty’s Day Tax Day just was Memorial Day, almost so . . .. Self, get back to the list-thing.
December 2, 2013–Top Ten Cases of 2013
Everyone does a list, especially bloggers who have already wrote everything imaginable about Christmas by December 2 and can’t think of anything else to write about so they move to the next holiday. Attorneys always list their best cases–The Winners!–on their web sites. So I thought ( originally no doubt): A list of my “Top Ten Cases of 2013.” Legal topics, marketing purpose, personal experiences, PERFECT! I can draft this post easily! I’ll have it up in no time. They say bloggers should write lists because people like to read lists. Not real sure why? Something about short attention spans I think. So a List it will be! I’ll be listing!
December 25, 2013–Top Ten Topical Topics of 2013
As December wore on, it kept getting harder to come up with an overall topic, a triumphant theme that tied together ten tantalizing, things tightly. But related items made it harder. Something will come to me if I just take my time and think. And I didn’t want to post it too soon in December for fear of being perceived as a blogger who ran out of Christmas themed blog posts too soon. I did not. I still wrote about reindeer on the 23rd (in red and green fonts)! But not in a list? Hmmm. . . .
January 18, 2014–The Favorite Five 
Once it got to be into the new year, I thought, “Well, I’ll just do a list of my, “Top Five Cases of 2013.” Listing 10 would sound too pretentious anyway. I don’t want to come off like some arrogant jerk bragging about myself. Even with 5 cases, it is still considered marketing. Five cases seems about right. A list can have 5 items. Milk, bread, sugar, coffee and . . toilet paper. If the short attention span thing is true, then ten is too long anyway. Way too long. I’ll keep it to five. A list of 5. Self, the list ain’t gonna write itself, ya know!
February 28, 2014 The _____Five Cases of 2013
I knew I should have started this earlier. Like in 2012. I was finally getting ready to start listing things. OK. Top cases. Best cases? Shouldn’t be too tough. Let’s see . Above all else? The highest, the tallest, the apex? . . Top, The Best, Greater, Better, Grander, Superior, this is starting to sound like I’m describing a ballroom. . . . What’s so superior or grand or better about Lawsuits? Settlements? Hmm . . . Maybe Outcomes? Sounds easy enough . . . Best Resolutions. . . . Wait! What about if it just wound up being the lesser of two (or five) bad outcomes. It was still a Grand Resolution, but it won’t sound very grand. Hmmmm?
March 21, 2014 The -Top Greatest Best Winners Most Epic Awesomeness 5 Cases of 2013
How do you define “Top Resolution”? “Win” won’t work. Best results? Expectations exceeded? Most money saved? Greatest trouble avoided? Unlikeliest results achieved? Quickest? Most cost-effective representation? Best value? Most ridiculous deadline met? Most obnoxious opponent defeated. This might be real short. This is hard. Self, write the damn list already!
May Day–The Five 2013
I know, I’ll do a list of my top 5 “Victories” of the year. I’ll make the definition general and broad enough to cover the cases I feel had a good resolution and can be easily viewed as victorious. Even if it is by those “on the outside looking in.” No lesser of two evils. Strictly feel good results. Remember the marketing! Yes. This will work. “Top Five Triumphant Victories of 2013″ it is then. Now to get to the listing.
- Not too many inside references. Check.
- Typical attorney fashion. Check.
- Keep the descriptions vague. Check.
- Keep the types of cases somewhat generic. Check.
- Have to obscure identities. Check.
- Use a different basis for claim. Check.
- But still keep it real. Check.
- Only select best parts. Check.
- Leave out negative facts. Check.
- Don’t mention the awful parts that only I think are funny. Check.
- Don’t mention any bad parts. Check.?
- Didn’t I already say that one? Check!
- Say how awesome I am. Check?
- Make it all self-congratulatory, without sounding too braggadocio. Check.
- But it’s for marketing purposes, ya know? check;
June 1–A List
I need to get started. But it is so hard to write a list! At least to get started I’ll write a title: “Most Victory Tops 15 Things I did Last Year Resulting in, uh. yea. um and Better. . . .”
Aww, forget it. I’ll do it next year. Self, but there was a list or two . . .sorta.
